Letting your Child Problem Solve

Yes this is my CrossFit blog but as the Director of our CrossFit Kids program, I am also passionate about kids and the foundation we are setting for their future.  I parent my two wild boys (ages 4 and 6) and coach 25 wonderfully exuberant kids  and 15 teens (mainly boys) at our box three times a week, and although that doesn't make me an expert, it does allow me a lot of time to observe activity in all age levels. 

Peering out from our kitchen window while I am making lunch today, I see this (picture below): my almost 6 year old son hanging from our trellis in his underwear and no shoes.  So for those that are ready to judge me based on the photo alone, please do.  Because...

NO I don't run to my child's rescue (I take photos instead)

YES I do allow my kids to run everywhere without shoes on

YES its true, my kids are rarely every fully dressed

YES let's face it, I let my boys pee outside

So now that we all know that I am one of the "those" parents, you can rest easy that I also know that I am one of "those" parents, and  I am surprisingly content and happy about it.  

I intently watched my son dangle from the trellis with the CrossFit coach in me asking "I wonder how long he can hold himself up there?" (I told you I was one of "those"),  and the mother side of me hoping he will find his way down without getting hurt.  I watched the myriad of facial expressions wash across his face.

 I saw the CONCERN: 

when he realized his arms were getting tired 

but it was a long fall down

I saw the THOUGHT:

when he knew he needed a solution.

He looked at the dangling rope he had put there a half hour earlier 

which at this time resembled more of a floppy tight rope.  

He tried multiple times to stand on it for support and 

use his feet to gain stability with it.  He got no relief from that.

He then shimmied himself down the trellis beam a couple of feet where a lawn chair was stationed.  He put his feet on it and stared down contemplating if it would hold him or not.  

In good judgment, he passed up that option too.  

He looked to the right, and left and up and down to seek relief for his tired arms.

Nothing.

I saw the PAIN:

when his arms were about to give out and he wasn't sure if he could hold on anymore.

I saw him re-grip the trellis and grit his teeth and grimace (literally) over and over with the determination not to fall. 

and I saw the VICTORY:

when he found the solution, when he held on long enough to get to the end where he could climb down safely. 

and I also heard about the Victory when he ran inside and proclaimed:

son: "MOM, did you see me outside?"

me: "YES I did.  I saw you make really good decisions and get yourself down without getting hurt"

son: "I know.  I thought about jumping down on that chair but realized it would tip and I could get hurt."

me: "I was very impressed with how you thought that through"

son: "My arms feel so much stronger now"  (and the CrossFit coach in me smiles)

He had a sense of pride- a sense of accomplishment.  Something he couldn't have felt had I rescued him.  No doubt I could have easily ran to his rescue and scooped him down, but my boys are always finding precarious places to hang, climb and jump and one day they will be in a spot where I won't be a few feet away ready to be at their rescue.  I want their problem solving skills to be fine tuned.

Skills are not perfected by teaching alone, but by diligently practicing them.

But let's be realistic, had he been in real harm and danger, I wouldn't have let my son dangle precariously.  But calculated decisions to let our kids struggle and learn through experience is vital in providing a healthy foundation of problem solving that they will use throughout life.

Athletic by Nature

It all started when a homeschooled family of 7 boys and 1 girl joined our box. I didn't expect to encounter such an experience that would change my perspective of raising my own 2 boys (ages 5 and 3) nor did I expect to become so passionate about how kids play on an day to day basis.  

I always believed a daily dose of the outdoors was important in raising my children.  Rain or shine, I made my  boys venture outside.  I deliberately made a point of embracing the rain with them and encouraging them to play in the mud and dirt.  I didn't squirm when we saw a snake or a spider.  We explored nature without fear, knowing that fear came from me as their guide, and my reactions were forming their opinion to life outside.  

But as my boys got busier, and our business as box owners got crazier, I found that it was easy to fall into the electronic babysitter form of parenting.  Its not really what I wanted for my boys but the selfish me enjoyed having some time of peace and quiet while they became temporary mindless vegetables.   No, this wasn't something I allowed 8 hours a day, and yes we still played outside, but it wasn't until the last few months that my desire for outdoor play and freedom to tumble, wrestle and explore became a passion more than a desire. 

So in rolled the above mentioned homeschool family with kids in CrossFit ages 5-14.  What I observed of their behavior was nothing short of impressive. Nearly every child could climb the rope without assistance and some even legless. The 5 year old can pump out strict handstand push-ups, as well as his older brothers, without ever being taught how.  And pretty much across the board, they all could do unassisted strict pull-ups on their first day of class.  

These weren't kids with previous sports experience.  They weren't started in sports at the age of 3, they weren't given every outdoor toy to entertain them.   But they were given a yard full of trees and a God-given brain to create their own playtime.  They would and continue to spend their summer climbing trees. Which led me to the next train of thought about the famous climber Tori Allen.  She grew up climbing trees with monkeys and her body grew to have longer arms and fingers with incredible grip strength to match her desire to climb trees.  Sounds crazy, but our body adapts to the forces put upon it. Most people wouldn't argue that Tori's childhood of climbing and swinging from trees gave her the foundation to be a famous rock climber today. So after hearing stories such as Tori's and observing these climbing and outdoor home schooled kids excelling at high skill movements without any training, my whole perspective changed:

* When I see my child climbing my trellis to the roof line- I see a kid learning not to be scared of heights.

*When I see my child rolling down a hill- I no longer see another load of laundry (although am pretty sure we could make a successful TIDE commercial), I see a child developing vestibular stimulus.  (Read more about why that is important here and here)

*When I see my child hanging from branches - I don't see scratches, I see them developing muscle strength and grip strength

*When I see my child jumping off of objects- I don't see an injury (although it crosses my mind), I see a child increasing bone density.

*When I see my child climbing through the middle of a rotten log, I don't see ripped pants, I see confidence to take on something new.

*When I see my child climbing a 30 foot steep hill full of slippery mud, I don't see another change of clothes or spider webs in their hair, I see a child learning coordination and agility. 

*When I see my child walking across the top of a 4 foot fence, I don't see a child who may fall, I see a child who is learning to balance so that he won't fall.

*When my child asks to go wading in a small creek fully clothed in 60 degree weather, I don't see the crying tantrum that is about to ensue from their cold bodies after they fall in, I see kids willing to take a risk and live with the consequences.

*When I see my 3 year old trying to pour his own juice, I don't see the mess that most definitely WILL occur, I see a child learning body control and motor skills (and the responsibility to clean up after himself after it ends up on the floor).

*When my boys are taking a bath, I ask them to wash each other's hair knowing full well they don't really get clean, but desiring for them to learn to take care of each other. 

I am starting to see things in a new light.  Not as an irresponsible parent that is willing to let her kids get hurt, but as a parent who knows that bone density, vestibular stimulation, agility, balance, coordination and strength and problem solving, are found in the ability to let children be children without us as parents always trying to control the holes in their pants, the mess in our laundry room, the tantrums, the scratches, the bruises, and the critters. Often the lessons they need to learn the most are learned when we allow such things. (disclaimer: having boys increases the chances of such behavior as you can read more about by this blogger.) 

I now not only desire, but am passionate about my kids growing up to be athletic by "nature" (pun intended).  

'




Disclaimer: I am no scientist, I am only a mom and a coach observing kids every day: kids from ages 6-16 in our CrossFit classes and 2 boisterous boys of my own and making a not-so-surprising observation that outdoor play, rain or shine, builds healthier kids who have balance, agility, coordination, strength, and confidence.   

CrossFit Open 2015

This is the first year for a scaled division to the CrossFit Open.  No one knew what to expect, but everyone had hopes that they would have 5 weekly WODs programmed to their strengths or easily scaled around their weaknesses.  We are three weeks into the Open and guess what? No one seems really happy except the advanced competitive CrossFit athlete who can execute every movement with relative ease.

The 54 year old grandmother I convinced to sign up for the Open, stood and looked with disappointment at the pull-up bar during 15.2.  We didn't think pull-ups would be part of the Scaled Division and were left trying to find the words to ease her frustrations.  Then 15.3 appears and the veteran athletes who can do most of the WODs Rx'd, looked at it with disdain because the elusive muscle up starts off the WOD, and that is the one movement they haven't been able to master.  It felt a little like betrayal having to perform single-unders when they worked so hard to master Double-unders.

I can't explain the thinking behind the programming/ scaling, and honestly I don't event want to try.  But what I do know is that 15.3 is redemption for the 54 year old grandmother who couldn't do pull-ups in 15.2 when everyone else was celebrating their firsts.  Open WOD #3 may seem a little "easy" for us who can do Double-unders but it gave a breath of fresh air to those who fought discouragement the week before.

If we were in charge, I am sure we would all find a better way to do it, but history dictates that you will never make everyone happy.  The WOD that has made one person feel defeated has given another athlete hope. It is about community: coming together worldwide to celebrate those who get their firsts and those who haven't mastered every movement but still want to be part of this sport of fitness.  We won't all be happy, but we can all be happy for one another and celebrate doing our best whether that is doing single-unders when we would rather be doing double unders or staring up at a pull-up bar watching the time tick away while our friends are savoring the first time their chin has passed over the bar without assistance.   We are in this together through the disappointments and the celebrations!

Throw Away the Scale

This is to you- the one whose clothes are falling off of you, and you are cinching up your pants, but you tell me you haven't lost a pound since you started CrossFit.  I believe you. I believe that you haven't lost a pound but I don't believe that you don't see a difference in yourself.

So to those who are enslaved to a number, please do us a favor and put your scale under your bed, or better yet, throw it out.  I want you to look in the mirror and love what you see.  The scale can't tell you the fat you've lost when you are also building muscle. The scale can't calculate the confidence you are building or the pant sizes you are shedding.  The scale gives you just a number- a number that often devalues all the work you have done in the gym and all the sacrifices you have made to eat better.  The scale can single-handedly knock you off your well driven course to a healthier lifestyle because its not showing you the number you think you should see.  This simple body weight measuring device can change your mood in an instant from celebration to devastation.

Here is what I propose, look at yourself in the mirror and maybe even take some photos and journal your journey to a healthier lifestyle.  Measure your success by how your clothes fit, how you physically feel,  your conquests in the gym, your ability to walk with more confidence, your stamina level, and your increased strength.   Resist the urge to let a number put a value on all the hard work that you are doing.  You deserve much more than that!