Letting your Child Problem Solve

Yes this is my CrossFit blog but as the Director of our CrossFit Kids program, I am also passionate about kids and the foundation we are setting for their future.  I parent my two wild boys (ages 4 and 6) and coach 25 wonderfully exuberant kids  and 15 teens (mainly boys) at our box three times a week, and although that doesn't make me an expert, it does allow me a lot of time to observe activity in all age levels. 

Peering out from our kitchen window while I am making lunch today, I see this (picture below): my almost 6 year old son hanging from our trellis in his underwear and no shoes.  So for those that are ready to judge me based on the photo alone, please do.  Because...

NO I don't run to my child's rescue (I take photos instead)

YES I do allow my kids to run everywhere without shoes on

YES its true, my kids are rarely every fully dressed

YES let's face it, I let my boys pee outside

So now that we all know that I am one of the "those" parents, you can rest easy that I also know that I am one of "those" parents, and  I am surprisingly content and happy about it.  

I intently watched my son dangle from the trellis with the CrossFit coach in me asking "I wonder how long he can hold himself up there?" (I told you I was one of "those"),  and the mother side of me hoping he will find his way down without getting hurt.  I watched the myriad of facial expressions wash across his face.

 I saw the CONCERN: 

when he realized his arms were getting tired 

but it was a long fall down

I saw the THOUGHT:

when he knew he needed a solution.

He looked at the dangling rope he had put there a half hour earlier 

which at this time resembled more of a floppy tight rope.  

He tried multiple times to stand on it for support and 

use his feet to gain stability with it.  He got no relief from that.

He then shimmied himself down the trellis beam a couple of feet where a lawn chair was stationed.  He put his feet on it and stared down contemplating if it would hold him or not.  

In good judgment, he passed up that option too.  

He looked to the right, and left and up and down to seek relief for his tired arms.

Nothing.

I saw the PAIN:

when his arms were about to give out and he wasn't sure if he could hold on anymore.

I saw him re-grip the trellis and grit his teeth and grimace (literally) over and over with the determination not to fall. 

and I saw the VICTORY:

when he found the solution, when he held on long enough to get to the end where he could climb down safely. 

and I also heard about the Victory when he ran inside and proclaimed:

son: "MOM, did you see me outside?"

me: "YES I did.  I saw you make really good decisions and get yourself down without getting hurt"

son: "I know.  I thought about jumping down on that chair but realized it would tip and I could get hurt."

me: "I was very impressed with how you thought that through"

son: "My arms feel so much stronger now"  (and the CrossFit coach in me smiles)

He had a sense of pride- a sense of accomplishment.  Something he couldn't have felt had I rescued him.  No doubt I could have easily ran to his rescue and scooped him down, but my boys are always finding precarious places to hang, climb and jump and one day they will be in a spot where I won't be a few feet away ready to be at their rescue.  I want their problem solving skills to be fine tuned.

Skills are not perfected by teaching alone, but by diligently practicing them.

But let's be realistic, had he been in real harm and danger, I wouldn't have let my son dangle precariously.  But calculated decisions to let our kids struggle and learn through experience is vital in providing a healthy foundation of problem solving that they will use throughout life.

Athletic by Nature

It all started when a homeschooled family of 7 boys and 1 girl joined our box. I didn't expect to encounter such an experience that would change my perspective of raising my own 2 boys (ages 5 and 3) nor did I expect to become so passionate about how kids play on an day to day basis.  

I always believed a daily dose of the outdoors was important in raising my children.  Rain or shine, I made my  boys venture outside.  I deliberately made a point of embracing the rain with them and encouraging them to play in the mud and dirt.  I didn't squirm when we saw a snake or a spider.  We explored nature without fear, knowing that fear came from me as their guide, and my reactions were forming their opinion to life outside.  

But as my boys got busier, and our business as box owners got crazier, I found that it was easy to fall into the electronic babysitter form of parenting.  Its not really what I wanted for my boys but the selfish me enjoyed having some time of peace and quiet while they became temporary mindless vegetables.   No, this wasn't something I allowed 8 hours a day, and yes we still played outside, but it wasn't until the last few months that my desire for outdoor play and freedom to tumble, wrestle and explore became a passion more than a desire. 

So in rolled the above mentioned homeschool family with kids in CrossFit ages 5-14.  What I observed of their behavior was nothing short of impressive. Nearly every child could climb the rope without assistance and some even legless. The 5 year old can pump out strict handstand push-ups, as well as his older brothers, without ever being taught how.  And pretty much across the board, they all could do unassisted strict pull-ups on their first day of class.  

These weren't kids with previous sports experience.  They weren't started in sports at the age of 3, they weren't given every outdoor toy to entertain them.   But they were given a yard full of trees and a God-given brain to create their own playtime.  They would and continue to spend their summer climbing trees. Which led me to the next train of thought about the famous climber Tori Allen.  She grew up climbing trees with monkeys and her body grew to have longer arms and fingers with incredible grip strength to match her desire to climb trees.  Sounds crazy, but our body adapts to the forces put upon it. Most people wouldn't argue that Tori's childhood of climbing and swinging from trees gave her the foundation to be a famous rock climber today. So after hearing stories such as Tori's and observing these climbing and outdoor home schooled kids excelling at high skill movements without any training, my whole perspective changed:

* When I see my child climbing my trellis to the roof line- I see a kid learning not to be scared of heights.

*When I see my child rolling down a hill- I no longer see another load of laundry (although am pretty sure we could make a successful TIDE commercial), I see a child developing vestibular stimulus.  (Read more about why that is important here and here)

*When I see my child hanging from branches - I don't see scratches, I see them developing muscle strength and grip strength

*When I see my child jumping off of objects- I don't see an injury (although it crosses my mind), I see a child increasing bone density.

*When I see my child climbing through the middle of a rotten log, I don't see ripped pants, I see confidence to take on something new.

*When I see my child climbing a 30 foot steep hill full of slippery mud, I don't see another change of clothes or spider webs in their hair, I see a child learning coordination and agility. 

*When I see my child walking across the top of a 4 foot fence, I don't see a child who may fall, I see a child who is learning to balance so that he won't fall.

*When my child asks to go wading in a small creek fully clothed in 60 degree weather, I don't see the crying tantrum that is about to ensue from their cold bodies after they fall in, I see kids willing to take a risk and live with the consequences.

*When I see my 3 year old trying to pour his own juice, I don't see the mess that most definitely WILL occur, I see a child learning body control and motor skills (and the responsibility to clean up after himself after it ends up on the floor).

*When my boys are taking a bath, I ask them to wash each other's hair knowing full well they don't really get clean, but desiring for them to learn to take care of each other. 

I am starting to see things in a new light.  Not as an irresponsible parent that is willing to let her kids get hurt, but as a parent who knows that bone density, vestibular stimulation, agility, balance, coordination and strength and problem solving, are found in the ability to let children be children without us as parents always trying to control the holes in their pants, the mess in our laundry room, the tantrums, the scratches, the bruises, and the critters. Often the lessons they need to learn the most are learned when we allow such things. (disclaimer: having boys increases the chances of such behavior as you can read more about by this blogger.) 

I now not only desire, but am passionate about my kids growing up to be athletic by "nature" (pun intended).  

'




Disclaimer: I am no scientist, I am only a mom and a coach observing kids every day: kids from ages 6-16 in our CrossFit classes and 2 boisterous boys of my own and making a not-so-surprising observation that outdoor play, rain or shine, builds healthier kids who have balance, agility, coordination, strength, and confidence.   

CrossFit Open 2015

This is the first year for a scaled division to the CrossFit Open.  No one knew what to expect, but everyone had hopes that they would have 5 weekly WODs programmed to their strengths or easily scaled around their weaknesses.  We are three weeks into the Open and guess what? No one seems really happy except the advanced competitive CrossFit athlete who can execute every movement with relative ease.

The 54 year old grandmother I convinced to sign up for the Open, stood and looked with disappointment at the pull-up bar during 15.2.  We didn't think pull-ups would be part of the Scaled Division and were left trying to find the words to ease her frustrations.  Then 15.3 appears and the veteran athletes who can do most of the WODs Rx'd, looked at it with disdain because the elusive muscle up starts off the WOD, and that is the one movement they haven't been able to master.  It felt a little like betrayal having to perform single-unders when they worked so hard to master Double-unders.

I can't explain the thinking behind the programming/ scaling, and honestly I don't event want to try.  But what I do know is that 15.3 is redemption for the 54 year old grandmother who couldn't do pull-ups in 15.2 when everyone else was celebrating their firsts.  Open WOD #3 may seem a little "easy" for us who can do Double-unders but it gave a breath of fresh air to those who fought discouragement the week before.

If we were in charge, I am sure we would all find a better way to do it, but history dictates that you will never make everyone happy.  The WOD that has made one person feel defeated has given another athlete hope. It is about community: coming together worldwide to celebrate those who get their firsts and those who haven't mastered every movement but still want to be part of this sport of fitness.  We won't all be happy, but we can all be happy for one another and celebrate doing our best whether that is doing single-unders when we would rather be doing double unders or staring up at a pull-up bar watching the time tick away while our friends are savoring the first time their chin has passed over the bar without assistance.   We are in this together through the disappointments and the celebrations!

Throw Away the Scale

This is to you- the one whose clothes are falling off of you, and you are cinching up your pants, but you tell me you haven't lost a pound since you started CrossFit.  I believe you. I believe that you haven't lost a pound but I don't believe that you don't see a difference in yourself.

So to those who are enslaved to a number, please do us a favor and put your scale under your bed, or better yet, throw it out.  I want you to look in the mirror and love what you see.  The scale can't tell you the fat you've lost when you are also building muscle. The scale can't calculate the confidence you are building or the pant sizes you are shedding.  The scale gives you just a number- a number that often devalues all the work you have done in the gym and all the sacrifices you have made to eat better.  The scale can single-handedly knock you off your well driven course to a healthier lifestyle because its not showing you the number you think you should see.  This simple body weight measuring device can change your mood in an instant from celebration to devastation.

Here is what I propose, look at yourself in the mirror and maybe even take some photos and journal your journey to a healthier lifestyle.  Measure your success by how your clothes fit, how you physically feel,  your conquests in the gym, your ability to walk with more confidence, your stamina level, and your increased strength.   Resist the urge to let a number put a value on all the hard work that you are doing.  You deserve much more than that!

A Stranger in my Box

You've been doing CrossFit for years now and a regular member of your local box.  You walk into the box and see familiar faces all around you.  You look forward to going because you can't wait to connect with your friends in a way that only people suffering through a WOD together can understand.  It has changed your life, it has provided you new friends, it has been transforming, it has been everything you always wanted and needed.

But then, one day it happens:  you walk into the box and the familiar feeling isn't there.  New faces erupt around you, and you all of a sudden feel like the stranger.  The box that once felt like yours, doesn't seem to welcome you with open arms anymore. The open arms are ones of strangers you have never met.  Each of you seek to find community at the box, but you with those you once knew and them with anyone who will venture to offer an introduction.  It may have snuck up on you gradually or maybe it started after a short time away from the box.  But regardless of how it happened, the unsettling feeling of your veteran status being uprooted by new faces has zapped you of your normal enthusiasm to get in a WOD.

Every month, new athletes graduate from the 101 Class and make their way enthusiastically into the Group WODs. With every group of new athletes, the dynamic of the community changes and with that comes the need for the veteran to be willing to change with it.  Without the desire to change with the ever changing landscape of the CrossFit community, you will quickly turn into the stranger at your box.  This ability to change means stepping outside your comfort zone to genuinely have interest in meeting new athletes that share the same desire for health and fitness that you do.  If you haven't already figured it out, CrossFit not only challenges you physically but will also challenge you emotionally and mentally.  You will be challenged to push your limits in more ways than one, and as the veteran that limit may be putting aside your comfortable conversations to engage in unknown conversations with  new faces.

If you are feeling like a stranger at your box, then my challenge to you as the veteran athlete is to walk past the familiar faces and bee line it to the new athletes with a genuine interest to know more than their name.  You should make it your goal to find out at least one thing about that person above and beyond their first name.  Your experience and success stories as a veteran athlete are so valuable for encouraging and motivating new athletes who are just beginning.  Your story may be just the one they need to find the courage to continue, so next time you are at the box, look past your fellow veteran athletes to find new members to connect with. I guarantee that the more time you spend conversing with recent 101 graduates and unfamiliar faces, the more they will respect you as a veteran, and you will start to feel less like a stranger and more like a role model.  

Why compete in the Games?

When my husband starting getting all geeked out on signing our box up for the CrossFit Games Open Competition, I shook my head and thought "What's the point?  It isn't like I'm going to make it to Regionals anyway."   His response, "You don't run a 5K race always expecting to win, you run it for fun."   He had a good point.  So I did it.  I signed up for the Open as did 14 other athletes from our affiliate.   I think we may have initially went into it to humor my husband, Matt, but the outcome was an experience I am very thankful for. What i couldn't prepare myself for was the camaraderie that ensued from all the athletes, competitors and non competitors alike, coming together for a common goal.  

Every week, we chalked up our hands, we slid on the weights and we gripped the bar in an effort to put our name on the roster with the likeness of the fittest on earth.  Our goal wasn't to be named the fittest on earth.  Our goal was to give it all we had!  Every workout tested our strength and made us dig deep to put up weight we never thought we could.  We made PR's, we contemplated re-doing a WOD for a better score, we cheered louder than ever for our team mates and with every competition WOD we formed a deeper relationship with each other.   

What is it about competing together that seems to bring people closer together?  Is it the shared jitters?  or the adrenaline that we all experience, or diving head first into the WOD with the thought "There is NO way I can do that",  or just knowing we are all suffering together?  Maybe it is a combination of it all, but it seems to be that those that suffer together, stick together! 

I am thankful for each and every athlete at CrossFit Manitowoc, those that competed and those that didn't.  We couldn't have done it without the support of the non competitors who came out and cheered us on.  And having 14 other athletes to compete with, made this experience so much more enlightening.  I am thankful for those that took on the challenge with me, pushed me past limits I didn't know I could, and gave me a lot of memories and laughs in the process.  I may never share the floor with the elite CrossFit athletes, but as far as I am concerned, I am sharing the floor with some of the greatest people I know, and I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to be surrounded by while taking on the Games OPEN.  

13.5 Cool Down!

Some of the cheering crowd! 

the CFM ladies that rocked out 13.5 together!   We rocked the shorts and tall socks!!

And just for fun, us ladies took on the hand stands!! 

At the end of it all, I ranked 7,921 worldwide and 685 in the North Central Region.  I won't be going around bragging that I am the 8000th fittest woman in the world, that is for sure, and I probably won't even remember these stats when next year rolls around.  The point of the Games wasn't for me to "rank", it was for me to prove to myself that I can do more than I think I can when put in a position that I have no other choice. I could either quit or keep trying. So no matter what challenges you face, remember:  "Your untapped potential is revealed when quitting is not an option and trying is all you've got!"

Humble Pie

CrossFit is humbling!  This is one of my most repeatable phrases when talking to athletes about CrossFit.  I am sure that makes someone just want to dive right into it.  After all, pride is the part of the human spirit that brings us confidence, right?  Or is it?

We want to be good at something.  We want to hear that we did great. We want to put up the best time or the best score.  At the crux of it all, we want to be recognized!  Face it: It is human nature.  So we'd rather not be faced with our inadequacies, in the middle of a workout, when we are gasping for breath, and our heart rate is through the roof.  This, though,  is where CrossFit is different from any other type of workout regimen.  With a constantly varied routine programmed by a coaching staff, you can't avoid your weaknesses.

When faced with our weaknesses, we have two choices, we can avoid them or we can take them on.  Those that choose to take them on, realize that they want more than the status quo.  They know the results are worth the path it takes to get there.  CrossFit athletes stand apart from many others, not because they are better, but because they want to be better.  This is why I think CrossFit breeds an extraordinary sense of community, because no matter if you are just beginning or if you are an elite athlete, everyone knows it is hard.  Pushing your limits in the company of other athletes builds a bond that is hard to relate to, unless you are experiencing it together.

I have the utmost respect for those athletes that can face their weaknesses and have the self control to work on mechanics first before jumping into intensity; those athletes that are more concerned with listening to coaching tips than trying to throw up the heaviest weight or the fastest time.  That attitude takes self control,  humility,and a confidence in yourself that says, numbers don't determine who I am, but the effort I put into it and the determination not to quit does. 

If you are strong enough to acknowledge your inadequacies, you are strong enough to take on a CrossFit workout.  Acknowledging you are not good at everything is the first step toward finding the true potential in yourself.  In your journey through CrossFit, you will inevitably be crushed by a WOD and will conquer others, but you should know that CrossFit does not discriminate.  Everyone, no matter their fitness level, will be crushed and will conquer, but in the end our confidence should come from embracing humility, facing our pride head on, conquering our fears, and digging deep withing ourselves to find what we are truly made of!!